Bio

1970—Born in Schenectady, NY, to Marsha and Richard Stewart.

1973—Overdressed in bulky snowsuit, tips over onto grandmother's TV set; puts top teeth through lower lip; takes five stitches.

1975—Sister, Kelly Lynne, is born.

1976—Sees Up with People at bicentennial celebration in Collins Park. Fails school eye test and has to wear glasses; nicknamed "Bubble Eyes" by kid who looks like Danny Partridge.

1977—1987—Girls' Club. Girl Scouts. Wants to be Elton John. "In Search Of." Chiller Theater. Falls in love with Ronnie Rogers. Uses too much Sun-In and is nicknamed "Melon Head." Picks lock on hotel mini bar during French Club trip to Montreal. Contact lenses. Joins Youth Expressions Theater. Nicknamed "Madame Bovary" by mother. Eraser Head. Andy Warhol dies; dream of hanging out at The Factory crushed. Dyes hair black and shaves head. Works Sundays at Schenectady Museum gift shop. Can't afford cigarette and Yoohoo habit; takes summer job in Bradlees shoe department. Telemarketer (3 hours).

1988—Applies to Cooper Union (rejected). Applies for internship with Smithsonian (rejected). Applies to SUNY Albany (rejected). Graduates (barely) from Mont Pleasant High School, Schenectady, NY. Day care aide (1 month).

1989—Bank teller. "Odd Couple" reruns. Grape Kool-Aid; frozen burritos; canned spaghetti.

1990—Buys white Chrysler La Baron; four hours later, takes sister to movies and locks keys in car. Chrysler La Baron is rear-ended; trades car for father's Ford Festiva.

1992—AA in Humanities/Social Sciences from Schenectady County Community College.

1994—Meets Dave Kopecek at Cafe Dolce, Schenectady, NY.

1995—Saab breaks down on way home from Pennsylvania; stranded with Dave Kopecek for four days in motel adjacent the State Correctional Facility in Otisville, NY; decides Dave is the man she will marry.

1996—BA in English from Siena College, Loudonville, New York. Marries Dave Kopecek. Moves to Wichita, KS.

1997—Ford Festiva T-boned by sixteen-year-old trying to make curfew. Tired of bumming rides, overcomes fear of Mercury Grand Marquis station wagon. Reads Madame Bovary and is indignant.

1998—WSU Creative Writing Fellowship.

1999—Completes thesis "The City That Lights and Hauls the World." MFA in Creative Writing from Wichita State University.

2001—Founds LineSight Gallery, Wichita, KS.

2002—Station wagon power windows shot, tailgate held closed with duct tape, buys even bigger car—'67 Cadillac Sedan DeVille.

2004—Kansas Arts Commission Fellowship. Judge for Kansas Authors Club. Joins NaNoWriMo and completes 50,000-word horror novel during November.

2005—After 8 years and 352 days (but, hey, who's counting?), shuts down gallery, abandons Cadillac to neighbors, packs 95% of belongings (leaving everything else—including her sense of class—on front lawn) and returns with Dave to New York, specifically, the western foothills of the Catskill Mountains. Run-in with rabid racoon; rabid racoon put down by kindly, .22 toting, octogenarian named Corny Stoop. Purchases two cords of wood; learns how much (or how little) wood makes two cords.

© 2005, Barbara Stewart